i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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