I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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