your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
