She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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