even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
