I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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