This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
