i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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