Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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