Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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