Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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