Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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