I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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