I just cut my nipple shaving
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
