I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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