A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
