Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
