so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
