I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
