Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
