so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
