32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
