I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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