Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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