While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
