Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
