either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
