I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let's get the cat blown out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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