There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
