that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
