nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
