I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
