Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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