I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
