I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
