six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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