she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
