So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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