Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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