I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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