i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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