I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
