Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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