I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
