found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
