I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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