Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
