Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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