I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
