i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
