Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Who died my cat blue again?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
