its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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