last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
