ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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